I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
