he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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