if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
