my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
