you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
