i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
