So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
