She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
