The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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