I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
