Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Randomize
