the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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