If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
