We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
