John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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