no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
