he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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