Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
