He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
