She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
