...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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