i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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