You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize