Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
