check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize