My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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