Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
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