I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
