Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
