watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
