I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize