My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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