I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
why do cheetos always look like penises
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
