Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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