Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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