im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
