College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
