My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
