I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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