At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
