If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Found your dick twin last night
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
