So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
