also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
