when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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