and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
