So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
