Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I'm having to shit out rocks
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
