we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
