Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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