My liver just broke up with me...
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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