Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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