I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
