my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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