Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
