what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
my sisters under your porch take her home
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
