It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
