I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
this just has baby written all over it
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
