just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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