I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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