Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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