he wants to bone in the snuggie
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
