apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
