My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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