Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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