My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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