She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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