Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize