All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
