remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
