I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
