I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
