Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
