i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
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