On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm going to jail i love you
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
