How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize