well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
