there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
