I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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