just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize