SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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