The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
