Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
