well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
