YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
