i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
