yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
operation have a gay friend backfired
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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