Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
