Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
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