remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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