you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
