I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Rumble strips road head = magical
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
