wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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