farters have to be the big spoon...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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