It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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