just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
two words...techno handjob
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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