I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
