I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
