in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
