I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I came so hard my ears popped.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
