He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
How does one acquire holy water?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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