So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize