my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
